


Diego and the Seven-ish Giraffes

by analise010, Annapods, eafay70, ItsADrizzit, JinkyO, luvtheheaven, MistbornHero, Rindle, WhiteHaru37, Yvi_sama



Series: Fairy Tale Tennis Life [1]
Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: Actually it's a dead lift, Alternate Universe, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Fairy Tale Parody, Gen, M/M, Podfic, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 1.5-2 Hours, Radio Play, Snow White Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-07-09 00:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19878598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/analise010/pseuds/analise010, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annapods/pseuds/Annapods, https://archiveofourown.org/users/eafay70/pseuds/eafay70, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsADrizzit/pseuds/ItsADrizzit, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinkyO/pseuds/JinkyO, https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvtheheaven/pseuds/luvtheheaven, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistbornHero/pseuds/MistbornHero, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rindle/pseuds/Rindle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteHaru37/pseuds/WhiteHaru37, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yvi_sama/pseuds/Yvi_sama
Summary: Diego Schwartzman is going to return home to Argentina from the Miami Open when he receives a call that tells him that going home is a trap.





	1. Podfic

**Author's Note:**

> Rating is entirely for swearing.
> 
> This entire work was 90% planned over waffles after we joked about this idea while severely undercaffeinated. It seemed a good idea at the time, it might still be. Really, this is all Diego Schwartzman's fault for being in videos with the Zverevs and Marcelo Melo and having a lowkey Instagram romance with Dominic Thiem.
> 
> Thank you, [yue_ix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yue_ix/pseuds/yue_ix) for helping to fix our bad French.
> 
> Thank you, [MistbornHero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistbornHero/pseuds/MistbornHero) for helping to fix our bad Spanish.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Podfic downloads and streaming files for the entire fic. Podfics for individual chapters are posted at the top of the chapter files.

  
Cover art by: [ItsADrizzit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/itsadrizzit)

**Full-work Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/dino7xa2x2ovhqa/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [36.0 MB, 01:44:58]

[M4B](https://www.dropbox.com/s/3fspnv6bszkwhgz/Tennis%20RPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20NoEffects.m4b?dl=0) [74.2 MB, 01:44:58]

Music/Effects Included –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/0ucti8j3s2n2wf5/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [62.5 MB, 02:16:35]

[M4B](https://www.dropbox.com/s/26ilcy8avhkfy4x/Tennis%20RPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Effects.m4b?dl=0) [96.7 MB, 02:16:35]


	2. In which Diego and Fabio play doubles and someone loses his chill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like, seriously, what does he even think doubles are supposed to be?

**Main Characters**

  * Diego Schwartzman — Cutest small tennis player (in the role of Snow)
  * Fabio Fognini — Jealous small tennis player (in the role of evil queen)
  * Sascha Zverev — Awkward cute garbage child (in the role of Happy)
  * Marcelo Melo — Chill. Also, too old for this drama (in the role of Sleepy)
  * Mischa Zverev — Stoic, good-natured not-quite giraffe (in the role of Bashful, but really just a second Doc)
  * Stefanos Tsitsipas — Creative, outgoing, always making films (in the role of Doc).
  * Ivo Karlovich — Bitter old man. (in the role of Grumpy)
  * John Isner — Seems to be allergic to continental Europe (in the role of Sneezy)
  * Juan Martin Del Potro — Gentlest, nicest giraffe, huge royals of the world fan kid (in the role of Dopey)
  * Nick Kyrgios — Tells it like it is. Doesn’t have time for your BS (in the role of the Huntsman).
  * Gael Monfils/Mysterious Voice — Coolest bro. Doesn’t want to lose a bet. (in the role of Magic Mirror)
  * Dominic Thiem — It’s just not fair how handsome he is, at least when he remembers to shave. (in the role of Prince Charming)
  * Narrator — Yup there’s a narrator.



**Misc Characters**

  * Chair Umpire 1
  * Chair Umpire 2
  * Juan Sebastián Cabal — Colombian doubles specialist
  * Robert Farah — Another Colombian doubles specialist
  * Kyle Edmund — Moderately successful British singles player



**Chapter 1 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/q8omcc8nmcoii1l/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%201%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [2.08 MB, 00:07:17]

Music/Effects Included -  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/jg4co40xazqr1il/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%201%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [4.83 MB, 00:10:33]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


_**In which Diego and Fabio play doubles (and someone loses his chill)** _

**_Setting: [On an outer clay court at the Madrid Open]_ **

**Diego** : _Vamos_ , Fab, We got this.

 **Fabio** : _Andiamo_ , Diego. Just leave it to Fab, little brother.

 **Diego** [laughing]: Love the confidence. OK, let us do this.

[Loud Tennis sounds]

 **Chair Umpire** : _Juego, Señors Fognini y Schwartzman. Uno - Cero._ Game, Misters Fognini and Schwartzman. One - zero.

 **Diego** : YES! Come on! Bravo, Fab.

 **Fabio** : Just stick with me and enjoy the ride to the next round.

[More sounds of a tennis match in progress - ball hitting ground and racquet, shoes shuffling on clay, occasional crowd noise and shouts of players.]

 **Fabio** : Mine!

[Rackets hitting against each other]

 **Fabio** : Agh! Diego!

 **Diego** : My bad. I should have called it.

 **Fabio** : That was not enjoying the ride to the next round. Stay out of my way.

 **Chair Umpire** : _Juego y set, Señors Cabal y Farah. Seis a tres._ Game and set, Misters Cabal and Farah. Six to three.

 **Diego** : Stop trying to win this by yourself. That’s not how families or doubles work.

 **Fabio** : Whatever. Who cares how it works? We are losing.

[Tennis rally sounds; Loud tennis serve sound]

 **Chair Umpire** : _Averia doble. Juego Señors Cabal y Farah. Dos - cero. Double fault._ Game Misters Cabal and Farah. Two - zero.

 **Fabio** : [angry mutterings, groans, shouts]

 **Diego** : No worries. It happens.

 **Fabio** : It does not happen to me! You’re standing too tall…at the net. It’s distracting!

 **Diego** [chuckling]: I think this is the first time anyone has called me too tall. Usually it is the other way around.

 **Fabio** : This is not the time for jokes!

 **Diego** : Just trying to lighten the mood. You are too serious. We should also have fun playing together. Come on, we can get back into this. _Vamos_.

 **Fabio** : [more frustrated noises and grumblings under his breath].

[Loud tennis serve sound; tennis rally sounds]

 **Diego** : Got it! Yes!

 **Fabio** : I had that lined up.

 **Diego** : You cannot play every ball, this is doubles.

 **Fabio** : I can try.

 **Diego** : I had the angle volley. I put it away. One more point and we get the break back.

 **Fabio** [muttering under his breath]: I could have had an angle too if you weren’t always in my way.

 **Chair Umpire** : _Quince, cuarenta_. Fifteen, forty.

 **Diego** [to himself]: OK, good return here and we take this. Here we go, Diego.

[Loud Tennis serve sound]

 **Diego** [Tennis grunt]: Get down backhand…Yeah! _Vamos_!

 **Chair Umpire** : _Juego, Señors Fognini y Schwartzman. Dos - uno._ Game, Misters Fognini and Schwartzman. 2 -1.

 **Diego** : See! There we go. Back on track, Fab.

 **Fabio** : We are still not winning.

 **Diego** : We will get there. The crowd is behind us at least.

[crowd cheering]

 **Fabio** [muttering]: Yeah…they all love you…

 **Chair Umpire** : _Tiempo_. Time.

[Loud tennis serve sound; Tennis rally sound]

 **Chair Umpire** : Out!

 **Fabio** [shouting]: How was that out?!

 **Diego** : Fabio. Calm down.

 **Fabio** : Only a blind person would call that out! Go check the mark!

 **Diego** : Stop this, right now.

 **Fabio** : Oh, shut up!

 **Diego** : No! You are the one who is wrong here. The chair is checking the mark. Calm. Down.

[crowd murmuring]

 **Fabio** : Do not tell me what to do!

 **Chair Umpire** : Out. _Cuarenta - Treinta. Punto de partido, Señors Cabal y Farah_. Forty - thirty. Match point, Mister Cabal and Farah.

 **Fabio** [angrily shouting]: You are the worst umpire I have ever seen! Why don’t you just give them the match!

 **Chair Umpire** : _Advertencia de violación de código, señor Fognini_. Code violation warning, Mister Fognini.

 **Fabio** [angrily shouting]: What!? Why?

 **Diego:** It is over. Focus. Return this serve. Keep us in this.

 **Fabio** : Yeah. Just watch me save this match for us.

 **Diego** [trying hard to not sound frustrated]: Yeah. Good. Do that.

 **Fabio** [to himself]: Bring on this serve. I will hit a winner and everyone will see how great I am.

[Tennis serve sound, tennis return sound, ball hitting net sound.]

 **Chair Umpire** : _Juego, set, y partido, Señors Cabal y Farah. Seis - tres; Seis - tres_. Game, set, and match, Misters Cabal and Farah. 6-3, 6-3.

 **Diego** : Good match, good match.

 **Cabal** : Good match

 **Farah** : Good match

 **Fabio** : …match

 **Diego** : You both played great. I can see why you are a seeded pairing.

 **Cabal **:**** We just have experience on our side.

 **Farah** : We could not hope to match you in singles. You played well for a new pairing.

 **Diego** : Hey, thanks. Good luck in the rest of the tournament. _Adiós_.

 **Cabal** : Thanks.

 **Farah** : Good luck in singles.

[Sound of the crowd stirring and getting up from their seats as the players pack up to leave the court.]

 **Diego** : Next time, right?

 **Fabio** [quietly/distantly]: There is not going to be a next time…


	3. In which Diego receives a mysterious call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, professional tennis playing princes are real.

**Chapter 2 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/kg8rrtws5agcm8t/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%202%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [1.13 MB, 00:03:58]

Music/Effects Included -  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/8lhuqe4w1lxm7pw/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%202%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [2.52 MB, 00:05:30]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting: [In a luxurious hotel lobby in sunny Miami, Florida]_ **

**Narrator** : The new brothers-in-law’s relationship started out poorly…and in the intervening years since their doubles loss, it has not improved. Gradually, the Kingdom of Cordoba, Diego’s home, became a less welcoming place until, the only kindness he received upon returning home was from his mother and sister. Even still, his love of his home and family kept him coming back to Cordoba, until one night…

[Cell phone rings]

 **Diego** : Who is even calling this late? Hmm…not showing up as a contact, but…the number looks familiar…?

[Ringtone stops]

 **Diego** : …Hello?

 **Mysterious Voice** : Do not return to Cordoba.

 **Diego** : Excuse me?

 **Mysterious Voice** : Do not return to Cordoba.

 **Diego** : Um…why? That is where I live.

 **Mysterious Voice** : I know that! You think I’m calling you telling you to not return to Cordoba because it’s a place you took a weekend drive to one time? Damn.

 **Diego** : But… I am done with Miami and was planning on returning home for a short rest before my next event.. Who are you? Why do you say I cannot do this?

 **Mysterious Voice** : I’m the dude who is telling you not to go home because Cordoba isn’t safe right now!

 **Diego** : What do you mean it isn’t safe? But… then I must return. My mother and my sister will be in danger. I need to warn them!

 **Mysterious Voice** : Yeah, okay, that's my bad. I wasn’t specific enough. Let me spell it out. It is not safe for you. Just you. So, don’t go there. Okay?

 **Diego** : But … why is it only unsafe for me? Surely whoever wishes me harm will also try to hurt my family! I am only a prince, but my mother… she is the Queen of Cordoba!

 **Mysterious Voice** : [sigh] Alright… I shouldn’t tell you this, but whatever. I don’t owe him anything… Look…Prince Fabio only seems to have a grudge against you. Not your whole family. Just you.

 **Diego** : Wait. Prince Fabio? But… he is married to my sister! We are family! Why does he wish me harm?

 **Mysterious Voice** : Look, I can’t say. Just don’t go back to Cordoba right now.

 **Diego** : [frustrated sigh] Fine…okay…so…where should I go?

 **Mysterious Voice** : I don’t know. Not Cordoba… I mean, I don’t know your whole life. Where’s your next tournament?

 **Diego** : Monte Carlo, but my reservations aren’t for another week

 **Mysterious Voice** : You are a professional tennis player. Just Airbnb some place for a week. Laying low is not a bad idea right now anyway.

 **Diego** : You think so?

 **Mysterious Voice** : Of course I think so, that's why I said it. I’m hanging up now. Good luck, Prince Diego.

 **Diego** : But, I’m not really …definitely already hung up. Okay…well… Monte Carlo…here I…come?

 **Narrator** : Prince Diego gazed into the infinitely deep glowing portal of travel booking sites, wondering if this was indeed the correct choice, and also if he could find a place in Monte Carlo that was nowhere near the casino. He liked his quiet time at night. With a heavy heart he rebooked his flight, sent a silent apology to his mama, hoping she was safe and wouldn’t lecture him too much next time they spoke.


	4. In which Fabio is forever bitter about his comparative cuteness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You only have yourself to blame for that villain beard.

**Chapter 3 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/4g3ay7est8l1h16/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%203%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [1.65 MB, 00:03:37]

Music/Effects Included -  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/snk710cyfqhtbis/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%203%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [2.32 MB, 00:05:05]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting: [In an overly decorated man cave in the south tower of Castello di Cordoba]_ **

**Narrator** : In his man cave in the south tower of Castello di Cordoba, where he went to escape the pressures and demands of evil princedom, Fabio Fognini liked to muse about his troubles. For the most part these troubles centered around people finding Diego cuter than him, and the unfairness of it all. After all, they were practically the same person. They were both members of the elite and very rare group of sub-one hundred-eighty centimeter tennis pros. They both had successful singles careers, though Fabio believed he was the more talented. They were both princes of Cordoba. Granted, Fabio was only a prince by marriage but that hardly mattered. Even with all of their similarities, the entire world still found Diego cuter and said as much without a second thought. Fortunately, for most of the Kingdom of Cordoba, and the world as a whole, the person who bore the brunt of the evil prince’s complaints was one Gael Monfils, a man who long ago made an ill-advised bet.

[noise of a video call dialing]

 **Fabio** : Mirror mirror in my phone. Am I your cutest little bro?

 **Gael** : No.

 **Fabio** : Can’t you even think about it for a minute, Gael?

 **Gael** : No.

 **Fabio** : Is this because that wretched Diego is still out there?

 **Gael** : Yup.

 **Fabio** : But…why!? What does he have that I don’t!? I am far more everything than him!

 **Gael** : First of all, he has some chill. That’s clearly not you. Second, if this is all about cutest on the tour, my dude, you are not cute. You’re at best giving me swarthy movie villain.

 **Fabio** : How am I not cute? How can you look at this and not think, adorable?

 **Gael** : It’s mostly the beard, a little bit the eyebrows, but mostly the beard.

 **Fabio** : That’s just my look!

 **Gael** : Yeah. And, it’s not cute.

 **Fabio** : Fine! Just you wait, once Diego returns home from Miami, he’ll be out of the running and then I will be the cutest of them all.

 **Gael** : None of this sounds like a plan to get rid of that beard.

 **Fabio** : It’s. My. Look.

 **Gael** : Alright. Stick with that beard. Get all the mileage you can out of it. We done?

 **Fabio** : Yeah, fine. We’re done.

 **Gael** : [Relieved exhale] Best news I’ve heard all day.

[noise of a video call ending]

 **Fabio** : Just you wait, Gael. Just. You. Wait. I have my personal entourage waiting to escort Diego to his new accomodations once he returns to Cordoba and then…well, we won’t be hearing from my precious little brother for a long long time. [Villain Laugh]

 **Narrator** : As Fabio’s laughter echoed throughout the room, he pondered all the recognition that would soon be his with Diego out of the way. Little did he know that he would be left disappointed…


	5. In which Diego gets rained on and is adopted by giraffes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why does everyone assume I'm a puppy?

**Chapter 4 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/fkw68klwgkejf2u/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%204%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [3.65 MB, 00:12:45]

Music/Effects Included -  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/w1wy18z7e1ezo5x/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%204%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [7.03 MB, 00:15:22]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting: [Under a rain darkened overhang at the Monte Carlo Airport]_ **

**Narrator** : Thanks to a mysterious call, Prince Diego of Cordoba found himself with an ocean, and a good portion of a sea, between himself and those who wished him harm. Unfortunately, for the small prince, the sky above and the dearth of available ride services seemed to conspire to make his early arrival in Monte Carlo as uncomfortable as possible. Looking up and down the mostly empty ground transport pick-up area, he couldn’t help but think…

[Storm noises: thunder and the hiss of a heavy downpour]

 **Diego** : Well, I probably deserve this for not letting mama know that I wasn’t coming home. Still, why does the one storm a year in Monte Carlo have to happen when I don’t have a plan. [sigh]  
  
**Diego** : Okay, Diego. Get it together. Text the number the Airbnb gave you…

[Smartphone keyboard typing]

 **Diego** : And… now I suppose you just stand here in the rain and wait for your ride.

[Car pulling up sound]

 **Sascha** : Hi! I’m Sascha! Are you… wait… Diego? Is that you?

 **Diego** : Sascha? What are you doing at the airport?

 **Sascha** : I’m here to pick up my Airbnb boarder…Dieschwartzman…oh…I get it now. I…probably should have figured that out.

 **Diego** [laughing]: Yeah, that’s me. It’s the same as all my social media.

 **Sascha** : I really don’t pay attention to everyone’s handles. I’m 95% following you for the pictures of food. So, words are optional, really.

 **Diego** : Fair. So, you really rent out rooms at your place on Airbnb?

 **Sascha** : Yep. I always have at least one room that I’m not using. You’re in town really early for the Master’s. Everything OK?

 **Diego** : Not… really…?

 **Sascha** : I thought you looked a little distressed. But it could also just be the rain. Anyway, come on, [attempt at butler voice] let’s get you to your accommodations, sir.

 **Diego** [laughing]: That was terrible.

 **Sascha** : Your ride, sir.

 **Diego** : Stop it. You are not making it better. Also, I always forget how tall you are. You are like way up there.

 **Sascha** [chuckling awkwardly]: Yeah, I guess. Some days, I wish I was shorter. I feel like I always stand out whenever I go out.

[Car door opening sound; luggage moving sounds]

 **Diego** : Sascha you really don’t need to— aaannnd you already have my bags.

 **Sascha** : It’s all part of the service. I need to keep my perfect five star rating.

[Car door closes; car running sound]

 **Sascha** :So, can you tell me what’s going on?

 **Diego** : Are you sure you want to be dragged into my drama?

 **Sascha** : Yeah, maybe I can help?

 **Diego** : I do not know if anyone can help but okay. So, I guess that Fab, my kind of evil prince brother-in-law…

[Car noises; music; car doors, people walking]

**_Setting: [Sascha’s Monte Carlo home, a large mansion with lush gardens and immaculate landscaping._ _Inside, the kitchen is well appointed with stainless steel appliances and rose accented granite countertops_ _.]_ **

**Diego** : Wow, your house is amazing? Are all the gardens yours too?

 **Sascha** : Yeah, this is all mine. Wait until you see the courts for practice tomorrow.

[doors opening]

 **Sascha** [shouting]: Marcelo! Where are you? Look what I found at the airport!

 **Marcelo** [yawning]: Alex not another puppy…oh, hello…you are not a puppy. Wait-

 **Diego** : Hi, Marcelo. And, no, I’m not a puppy. Why would I be a puppy?

 **Sascha** : It’s not important. What’s important is that you are here safely and will be staying with us all week. Isn’t that great?

 **Diego** : I am going to feel so small here. You have, what, forty centimeters on me?

 **Marcelo** : You are… 165 yes? So, yes, something like forty.

 **Diego** : Alright. So apparently I live with giraffes this week… Also, since when does anyone call you Alex, Sascha?

 **Sascha** [affectionately]: Just Marcelo because he is special.

 **Mischa** : It’s because his given name is Alexander. He just doesn’t like to be called that. [teasing] Do you, Alexander?

 **Sascha** [sarcastic]: Who? Alexander? Is dad here, Mischa?

 **Diego** [confused]: What?

 **Sascha** : Yeah, my name is Alexander, but that's also my father's name. So, that’s why everyone called me Sascha growing up. But now… well… Sascha is fine.

 **Sascha** : You know my brother, Mischa, right Diego? [teasing] He is the worst and I hate him.

 **Mischa** : I love you too, Sasch.

 **Diego** [to himself]: Finally, someone who isn’t a giraffe.

 **Stefanos** : Hey, what’s going on in here. It sounds fun.

 **Diego** [to himself]: And another giraffe joins us.

 **Sascha** : Stef! Look! I brought a new friend!

 **Stefanos** : You… Hold on. Is it another dog?

 **Diego** : Why does everyone think I’m a dog?

 **Marcelo** : Alex has…a history—

 **Mischa** : …problems.

 **Sascha** : I bring home two dogs and all of a sudden it’s a problem? Anyway, you all like the dogs, so…

 **Stefanos** [stepping in before there is a fight]: Hey, Diego. Nice to see you again. Are you the Airbnb guest until the Monte Carlo Masters that Sascha told us about?

 **Diego** : Hi, Stefanos. Yes. It seems like I am. Do you all live here in this house?

 **Mischa** [long suffering and sort of under his breath]: As I was saying about Sascha having problems…

 **Mischa** [aloud]: This isn’t even everyone…

 **Marcelo** : I didn’t think you were home, Stefan.

 **Stefanos** [happily]: That’s because you were dozing like always, yes? I was just outside making a vlog of this really gorgeous _Polyommatus escheri_ feeding on a blooming _Astragalus danicus_.

[awkward silence]

 **Mischa** : Umm… this is… good?

 **Stefanos** : An Escher’s blue on purple milk-vetch…

 **Marcelo** : …you don’t say?

 **Stefanos** : [sighs] A blue butterfly was flying around some purple flowers.

 **Sascha** : Nice.That sounds pretty cool, Stef!

 **Stefanos** [back to being happy]: It really was a great moment. I’m very fortunate to have been able to document it.

 **Diego** : Wow, I didn’t know you did photography too, Stefanos?

 **Stefanos** : Yes, I like to try to stay creative and make sure tennis doesn’t define me.

 **Diego** : That’s amazing. I’m a little jeal—

[Feet stomping down the hall and the kitchen door banging open]

 **Ivo** : No, what’s amazing is how loud all you kids are. Keep it down! Some of us are trying to live in peace!

 **Mischa** : Diego, meet Ivo. He’s… well… a grump

 **Diego** [to himself]: …he’s the tallest one yet…

 **Sascha** : Yeah. He’s super old! I’d be grumpy too if I was ancient. But he is awesome at serving! I keep trying to get him to teach me because my serve has been terrible lately, but he always says no. Come on, Ivo, teach me to serve. Please?

 **Ivo** : Still no. Who is our tiny guest?

 **Diego** : Um…Hi, I’m Diego. You’re Ivo…Karlovich, right? I don’t know if we’ve ever met.

 **Ivo** : Probably not.

 **Sascha** : You should be friendlier to him, Ivo. It’s not everyday we get an adorable guest.

 **Ivo** : [sighs] No.

[awkward silence]

 **Diego** : So… is this everyone now?

 **Mischa** : No, there are two more.

 **Marcelo** : Can someone go get them? I want to go back to sleep.

 **Sascha** : Good idea, Marcelo. Someone go get the others.

 **Stefanos** : I only came in the kitchen to make tea. So, not it.

 **Marcelo** : If I leave, it’s to go back to napping.

 **Sascha** : If I leave I’m just going to go to Marcelo’s bed to wait for naptime.

 **Marcelo** : [sighs] You did not even wait for me to say it was alright, Alex. Fine, but don’t wiggle around too much. It’s distracting.

 **Sascha** : No promises. You know it’s hard for me to sit still for too long.

 **Marcelo** : You could do it if you tried harder.

 **Mischa** [deadpan teasing]: He could do a lot of things if he tried harder.

 **Sascha** : No one asked you, Mischa.

 **Ivo** [muttering under his breath]: …all these fucking children. [shouting] EVERYONE! KITCHEN!

[Footsteps and loud sneezes]

 **John** : Hi [sneezes] I’m John… [sneeze] ugh…

 **Diego** Yeah, I know. We played once a couple of years ago in Paris, I think. Are you OK?

 **John** : Oh, Diego Schwartzman, hi. Yeah. It’s jus— [sneeze] just allergies..

 **Mischa** : John seems to be allergic to continental Europe.

 **Diego** : …what?

 **John** : Yeah I don— [sneezes] what it is. I get like thi— [sneezes] everytime I visit.

 **Stefanos** : It is very peculiar. I have never heard of geolocation triggered rhinitis.

 **Sascha** : Huh?

 **Stefanos** : It’s weird that being in a location makes him sneezy.

 **Sascha** : Yes, it is weird that being here triggers his allergies. I’m not dumb, Stef.

 **Stefanos** : Sorry. I need to find a middle ground.

 **Mischa** : Yes, you really do sometimes.

 **Ivo** : I have to go somewhere other than here. Where is Del Po?

 **Diego** : Wait…Del Po? Do you mean…

 **Mischa** [Shouting]: Del Po, hurry up and meet our new guest. Ivo’s getting crabby.

 **Ivo** [muttering]: I’m not getting anything

 **Del Po** : I’m here. I’m here. Sorry. You know that I’m slow. What is all of this about a new guest? Sascha you didn’t bring home another dog did yo—

 **Diego** : Still not a dog…

 **Del Po** [startled and excited]: You— Oh. Can someone please explain why the Prince of Cordoba is standing in our kitchen?

 **Diego** : Family drama.

 **Sascha** : Yeah, his evil prince brother-in-law sounds like the worst. Tell them, Diego.

 **Diego** : [sighs] Alright. So, this all started when…

 **Narrator** : The seven-ish giraffes listened as the royal in their midst explained what had led him to Sascha’s Airbnb. They took turns peppering the prince with questions. Even Ivo and Marcelo forgot about their desire to return to their days and sat with rapt attention as Diego related his woes at being unable to return home as a result of some mysterious and seemingly nefarious plot by his older brother-in-law Fabio. The giraffes were touched by the bravery of one so much smaller than (nearly) all of them. They vowed to protect the prince and give him a home amongst them until he could return to his own. Plus, he was friends with almost everyone already, and nobody really liked Fabio. So, really, none present felt like doing anything but helping Diego.


	6. In which there is much idyllic tennis practice life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There has to be at least one musical number.

**Chapter 5 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/8jckuokydjx70lg/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%205%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [1.25 MB, 00:04:23]

Music/Effects Included –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/td8iiv05fk12hup/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%205%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [2.78 MB, 00:06:04]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting:_ [Sascha’s backyard; A tennis paradise with a half a dozen courts of varying surfaces all surrounded by manicured gravel paths and various flowering shrubbery]**

**Narrator:** The sun rose on Prince Diego’s first morning with the seven-ish giraffes. The events of the previous day swirled through his mind as he prepared to join in the day’s tennis practice. What awaited him downstairs, as the group prepared to head off to Sascha’s tennis paradise, confused and delighted the newcomer.

[idyllic nature noises, mostly birds singing]

[to the tune of heigh-ho. Also, intermittent tennis sounds too]

 **Chorus:** Hey-yo, Hey-yo  
It’s time for practice bro  
We’ll keep on singing as we play  
Hey-yo, Hey-yo, Hey-yo

 **Diego:** What is going on?

 **Chorus:** Hey-yo, Hey-yo  
Short court warm-up, let’s go!  
We’ll work on all our strokes today  
Hey-yo, Hey-yo, Hey-yo.

 **Mischa** [whispering]: It’s kind of their thing. Just roll with it.

 **Diego** [whispering]: So, it’s a giraffe thing?

 **Mischa** [whispering]: No, just a them thing.

 **Chorus:** Hey-yo, Hey-yo  
To different courts we’ll go  
We’ve hardcourts, grass, and of course clay  
Hey-yo, Hey-yo, Hey-yo

[tennis sounds for a while]

 **Diego:** It is great to be practicing with so many amazing players.

 **Sascha:** Yes, practice is better with all of us.

 **Del Po:** We all try our best. Just like the noble royals across the globe.

 **Diego:** Do you practice like this everyday?

 **Mischa:** Pretty much, at least when most of us are here.

 **Stefanos:** All these repetitions help us perfect our playing style.

 **Diego:** Even, Ivo, John, and Marcelo?

 **Sascha:** Marcelo actually really likes practice.

 **Marcelo:** Eh, I always take a nice nap afterward. The singing makes it easier to stay awake.

 **Ivo:** The singing makes it worse…but practice is good.

 **John:** I love i— [sneeze] matches are...are…are [sneeze] more fun, but...any tennis is great.

 **Sascha:** John usually only stays here for like a month. Everyone else mostly lives here whenever they have some time off.

 **Diego** [cheerful]: Living with all you is going to be the best tournament preparation I have ever done.

 **Sascha:** We’ll do our best to help you out. [teasing] Especially, Mischa, right?

 **Mischa:** I mean, yes, but why are you singling me out?

 **Marcelo:** Because you’re the only one close to Diego’s height.

 **Del Po:** It’s true. He only comes up to most of our chests.

 **Diego:** Hey!

 **Mischa** : Hey!

 **Diego:** I mean… it is true…

 **Mischa:**...but they didn’t need to say it…

[General happy and friendly laughing from all]

 **Sascha** [trying to motivate everyone] **:** Alright, let’s finish up our practice everyone! I think Marcelo is falling asleep standing up.

 **Marcelo:** [confused and sleepy sounding] **:** Hm. What? I’m awake.

 **John:** Sure y—y—you are. Come on, Marcelo, let’s see if you can— [sneeze] return these serves [sneeze].

 **Mischa:** If you can stop sneezing long enough to actually hit one.

[Tennis sounds, then packing up]

 **Chorus** : Hey-yo, Hey-yo  
We’re done with practice bro  
Go back and chill without delay  
Hey-yo, Hey-yo, Hey-yo

 **Narrator:** And so Diego and the seven-ish giraffes returned from the lush gardens and courts of Sascha’s yard to the kitchen, where they all dined on the finest meal that Monte Carlo food delivery services could provide. The friends laughed and smiled at one another as they shared their meal, and enjoyed the new family that was beginning to take shape at the idyllic propriété in Monte Carlo. No one knew that a new plot was being set into motion back in the Kingdom of Cordoba.


	7. In which Fabio makes a deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did I even get on the phone tree? Better question, why is there a phone tree?!

**Chapter 6 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/ngcbplr815o5q58/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%206%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [2.95 MB, 00:08:36]

Music/Effects Included –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/z77u1llr74pvmxr/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%206%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [4.75 MB, 00:10:22]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting:_ [ _Again in Fabio’s man cave tower, where he is totally not overcompensating_ ]**

**Narrator:** Having been foiled by Prince Diego’s unexpected detour, Evil Prince Fabio once again turned to his faithful, long-suffering advisor—who really did not want to lose his bet—Gael Monfils, to help lay the groundwork for his next nefarious scheme against the cute, absent Prince of Cordoba.

 **Fabio:** Let’s see...let’s see...where did I put my bad and selfish dudes phone tree…

[Clothing/paper rustling noises]

 **Fabio:** I can’t...seem to find it…Where the hell are you phone tree?!

 **Fabio:** Well, only one thing to do. Mirror, mirror on my phone, do you know where this has gone?

[video call dialing sound]

 **Gael:** Hello, this is Diego’s still cuter, who may I ask is calling?

 **Fabio:**...you know that hurts, right, Gael?

 **Gael:** Kind of the point. You have _got_ to stop calling me about Diego. It’s great to have goals and all, but, man, some things you just can’t make happen. Also, I am getting tired of all this.

 **Fabio:** Then why do you keep answering when I call, if you’re so tired of me?

 **Gael:** Well…I have a bet going with Jo-Wilfried…and you’re alright when you’re not ranting about Diego and being the cutest player on tour. I mean, I don’t hate you… yet. Keep it up though.

 **Fabio:** Oh...well…thank god you have that bet, but I can’t see me giving up on being the cutest.

 **Gael** : [sighs] Great. So, anything new, Fab?

 **Fabio:** Actually, yes. Do you have any idea where I might have put the B&SD phone tree? I wanted to look something up, but I can’t find it.

 **Gael:** Fab, even though I’ve literally never been to your kingdom, let alone your castle, let alone your villain’s lair.

 **Fabio:** I prefer to think of it as my Bro Tower.

 **Gael:** Yeah, not happening. Anyway, even I know that the answer to every, ‘where did I put the thing?’ question is, ‘in your top desk drawer.’

 **Fabio:** No, it’s not. I already looked there.

 **Gael:** Did you really look, or did you just open the drawer and take a peek for two seconds?

 **Fabio:** I mean, it was more than two seconds…

 **Gael:** Did you actually move things around in the drawer?

 **Fabio:** Well...maybe not...but I took a good long look.

 **Gael:** Not everything can be on top! Go actually look!

 **Fabio** [annoyed]: Fine, I will go look again.

[papers shuffling]

 **Fabio** [quietly]: Goddamn…

 **Gael** : It was in the drawer, wasn’t it?

 **Fabio:** Yes...yes it was.

 **Gael:** Told you.

 **Fabio:** Yeah, thanks, Gael! Okay, I have to make some arrangements.

 **Gael:** Finally. Sweet freedo—

 **Fabio:** Thanks, bye!

[Video call ending sound]

 **Fabio:** Okay. So, who to call? Hmmmmm…what do I even need? Let’s see, I just need this enchanted ball to hit Diego and ideally someone he might play in the early rounds…hmmmm... So, hard hitter, probably won’t ask questions, likely to play Diego…You look like my only choice…

[phone dialing]

 **Nick:** Yeah, hey, you got Nick. What’s up?

 **Fabio:** Nick, it’s Fab. How’s it going?

 **Nick:** Sorry, who is this?

 **Fabio:** This is Fabio.

 **Nick** : Yeahhh, still no…

 **Fabio** : Nick. It’s me. Fabio… Fognini.

 **Nick:** Yeahhh still don’t…

 **Fabio:** Fabio Fognini. We played when I was the 15th seed at the Miami Open!

 **Nick:** Oh, that Fabio, the one I beat in straight sets. Yeah, my bad, bro. How did you get my number?

 **Fabio** [pretty annoyed] **:** [sigh] I… from a… friend. I suppose.

 **Nick:** Wait, are you calling me from that stupid bad dudes list?

 **Fabio:** The B&SD phone tree? Yeah.

 **Nick:** Man, I am not a bad guy. I don’t even know who put me on that list. Ugh...okay. So… what do you want?

 **Fabio:** Oh. I was wondering… if you are playing in Monte Carlo.

 **Nick:** I dunno, bro. I mean, I’m supposed to, but clay is such a bullshit surface. I was thinking of withdrawing.

 **Fabio:** You can’t!

 **Nick:** Uhh… pretty sure I can, bro. And now I really want to.

 **Fabio:** Please don’t! Look. I have a job for you.

 **Nick:** A job? Yeah, I already have one of those. Not really in the market for a second.

 **Fabio:** Okay, okay. How about I dip into my kingdom’s treasury and make a donation to your foundation? Help the children, just for showing up in Monte Carlo and hitting some balls at a potential opponent.

 **Nick:** Again, I am not a bad dude. I might be kind of an asshole, but I am not like mean for no reason. So, pass, I guess.

 **Fabio:** Oh...man...that’s disappointing, I just wanted you to hit my little brother in-law with a prank ball if you played him in the second round. Or, maybe play doubles with me? I need a partner still, but have the entry. What do you say, Nick? Sizeable donation and some prize money, just for helping me prank my cute lil bro?

 **Nick:** Your brother-in-law? Diego? I thought you didn’t even like him.

 **Fabio:** We’re trying to work through our issues. I thought this might help.

 **Nick:** Right. Nothing says family bonding like paying someone to pull a prank.

 **Fabio:** You live your life and I’ll live mine.

 **Nick:** Can’t argue with that. So…alright. Say I did agree to this. How much of a donation are we talking about?

 **Fabio:** How about the Kingdom of Cordoba donates 25% of what you raised last year? That’s a lot of dreams supported for the NK kids.

 **Nick:** Damn bro. Now I wish I would have tried harder. Yeah alright. Sign me up for these dubs and I’ll show up.

 **Fabio:** You are actually going to show up, right? You’re not going to ghost me again, like you did in Rome?

 **Nick:** Wait. What?

 **Fabio:** We were supposed to play doubles at the Italian Open last year. You never showed up.

 **Nick:** Oh...yeah that sounds right. I was injured or bored, something. This time, no worries, bro. You are paying me to show up.

 **Fabio:** Excellent, I’ll have the treasury send over half the payment as a show of good faith, and I’ll speak to you further in Monte Carlo.

 **Nick:** Cool. See you on the court then. Bye.

 **Fabio:** Bye.

[phone call ending sound]

 **Fabio:** Just you wait Diego. We’ll see who thinks you’re the cutest player when you can’t play anymore! [Villainous laugh] aaaaahahahahaha.

 **Fabio** : Now we have some magic to work, some bribes to engineer, and plots to plan.

 **Narrator:** And so the scheming villainous prince set to the phones to ensure he engineered his plot to remove Diego from the picture of cutest on tour. The younger prince was half a world away, none the wiser to the machinations that were being set in motion. Storm clouds gathered as the tournament approached.


	8. In which there is (not so) polite debate about doubles partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why should I have to change? He's the one who sucks.

**Chapter 7 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/prijidqwov2ri2o/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%207%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [3.13 MB, 00:09:08]

Music/Effects Included –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/exd28fvi33w1nib/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%207%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [4.73 MB, 00:10:20]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting:_ [ _Sascha’s kitchen_ ]**

**Narrator:** In the kitchen of the mansion located at Sascha's Tennis Paradise, a storm of a different type gathered. One that pitted giraffe against giraffe-ish against self. Where Prince Diego displayed his stubbornness and trust, and the primary Zverev benefactor displayed his capriciousness. Truly, it was the first test of this days longs friendship.

[Quiet music in the background; Relaxed synth pop]

 **Mischa:** Are you really going to play doubles, even though there’s a good chance you’ll have to play your brother-in-law?

 **Diego:** Why wouldn’t I be?

 **Del Po:** We’re just worried about you, in case Prince Fognini tries something bad. I have read that struggles between royals are often very intense.

 **Diego:** I guess…? Still, I can’t see him doing anything bad during a match. He’s always had a respect for tennis. Plus, I don’t know if anyone outside of Cordoba would even listen to him.

 **Stefanos:** Still, maybe a certain degree of wariness is warranted given that he already had some type of plot waiting for you at your home.

 **John:** Yeah, isn’t it best to b— [sneeze] be careful?

 **Diego:** It will be fine. I just can’t not play tennis because my brother-in-law might be a dick.

 **Mischa:** We’re not saying don’t ever play tennis. We’re saying don’t play doubles in this tournament.

 **Del Po:** Yes.

 **Diego:** Why is everyone so hung up on me not playing doubles? What about singles?

 **Mischa:** Well…

 **Del Po:** It could…

 **Stefanos:** It’s just that…

 **John:** [sneeze] Aww, c’mon Europe.

 **Mischa:** They’ve released the singles draw and…

 **Stefanos:** You are Fabio are on opposite halves of the draw…

 **Del Po:** So...

[door opening]

 **Ivo:** We don’t think either you or him will make the final.

 **Diego** [Offended] **:** Hey! That lack of confidence in me hurts. I feel like I’m playing better than ever thanks to the seven of you.

 **Stefanos:** It does still seem unlikely that both of you make the singles final, given the rest of the field..

 **Diego** [a little pouty] **:** Fine.

[Patting sounds]

 **Diego:** Thanks, Del Po.

 **Del Po:** You looked like you could use a head pat. Is it because you miss your crown?

 **Diego:** I never even wear my crown, it is heavy and hot and— stop trying to distract me. I’m still playing doubles! That draw hasn’t happened yet. We could be in opposite halves of that too!

 **Mischa:** Okay, fine. But you need a partner, right?

 **Diego:** Yeah, Guido and Leonardo both had to withdraw, and I’m obviously never playing with Fabio again.

 **Mischa:** Family meeting?

 **Stefanos/John/Del Po/Ivo:** Family meeting.

 **Mischa** : Does anyone know where Sascha is? Or Marcelo?

 **Stefanos:** I am pretty sure Marcelo is taking a nap.

 **Mischa:** Well that explains where Sascha is. Alright then, [deep breath, then shouting very loudly] FAMILY MEETING!

[air horn]

[thud]

 **Sascha** [muffled]: Ahhhh, damn it! What the hell?

[footsteps running down stairs]

 **Ivo:** I think you woke him up.

[footsteps getting closer, door opens]

 **Sascha:** What the hell, Mischa? You made me fall out of the bed!

 **Mischa:** It’s family meeting time.

 **Sascha:** Oh! Fun! [yells] Marcelo! Family meeting!

[Door opening]

 **Marcelo:** [yawning] I’m here. I’m here. So, what’s this family meeting about?

 **Mischa:** Diego insists on playing doubles. So he needs a partner. If we’re all going to play doubles then we have to pick four pairings.

 **Sascha/Stefanos/Ivo/John/Del Po:** Yay!

 **Diego** [quietly] **:** What is even going on?

 **Del Po** [whispering] **:** We really like making decisions as a family.

 **Diego:** Fair enough.

 **Marcelo** [confused]: Wait...why four pairings? Sascha and I are already registered as a team.

 **Sascha** [excited] **:** This way, I might get to play with Diego.

 **Marcelo** [stern] **:** Alex! We are already registered as a pair. Together.

 **Sascha:** Yeah, but we can still change it, right?

 **Marcelo** [actually kind of angry now]: Alex...

 **Mischa:** Alright, alright. No fighting during family meeting. Work it out afterward. So, who wants to go first suggesting pairings. [Pauses] Is everyone playing singles too?

 **Marcelo:** Nope. I am losing enough nap time already.

 **Sascha** [petulant]: I do. So, first, obviously, Diego and I as the pretty pair. Then I think it should go…Stef and Mischa as the smart pair. Del Po and John as the awkward pair and Ivo and Marcelo as the old pair. How about that? Then we have themes.

 **Stefanos:** Your divisions could potentially be perceived as a little insulting.

 **John:** I don— [sneeze] don’t love them either.

 **Del Po:** I’d rather not be in something called an awkward pair…

 **Sascha:** Whatever. We can work on the pairing names, but you have to admit they make sense...and I’ll get to play with Diego.

 **Marcelo:** So, you want to sleep in your own bed until the end of the tournament then, Alex?

 **Ivo:** He has a bed?

 **Mischa:** I mean, technically. It’s his house after all.

 **Sascha:** Okay… that’s… weird, but… fine. I guess we can sleep in my bed, Marcelo. But Diego will have to move all his things to your room.

 **Marcelo:** [laughing] Ummm…no. _You_ are sleeping in your bed. By yourself. This _old man_ needs his rest.

 **Sascha** : Wait, what? No. I vote no on these pairings!

 **Diego** : Wait did he just vote no on his own idea?

 **Stefanos:** Yes. Sleeping alone is his biggest weakness. In case you ever need to know.

 **Mischa:** Alright that is four against, so… one suggestion voted down, it’s someone else’s turn.

 **Del Po:** What about, me and Diego. Because we’re both Argentinian. Stef and Sascha because Stef is good at the net and Sascha has a good serve. Then Marcelo and Mischa because they’re both doubles players. I think John and Ivo should sit out doubles because each of you should save your energy for singles.

 **Ivo:** No, I want to play.

 **Stefanos:** Hm. It is a sensical idea with a good deal of merit, but I do wonder, Del Po, if you will have the pace required to effectively safeguard Diego in the event that it became necessary?

 **Sascha:** But… I only want to play with Mischa or Marcelo.

 **Marcelo** [a little bitter] **:** I thought you wanted to play with Diego, Alex.

 **Sascha:** Right. Or Diego.

 **Marcelo:** Alex. We are already registered. I vote no. Alex is my partner.

 **Mischa/John/Del Po** : [snickering; trying not to laugh]

 **Marcelo** : Oh, no. I meant… well, I did not mean it like that...not that it is not true, but...well—

 **Mischa** : Anyway...Alright, then. You all know the rules.

 **Diego** : I have no idea, actually.

 **Mischa:** We’re down to the third and final proposal, before we go to the random draw.

 **Stefanos:** Alright. I will make a proposal. First, Sascha and Marcelo will play because that seems to be what they both want, at least kind of, maybe, I don’t know what Sascha wants.

 **Sascha:** Neither do I! But I get to play with Marcelo, so… I’m good.

 **Marcelo:** This is all I was asking for.

 **Stefanos:** Okay, next, John and Del Po should play together because John has a great wide serve for doubles and Del Po has the best hands at net to take advantage of that.

 **John:** I can can can [sneeze] can see that working.

 **Del Po:** If you think I can help.

 **Stefanos:** Alright, then I should play with Ivo, because other than Diego, I have the best movement on the court.

 **Ivo:** You are one of the more tolerable young people in this group.

 **Diego:** So, that leaves me and Mischa? Why are we together? Is this a height thing? Are we team not giraffes?

 **Stefanos:** Not exactly. Though, kind of. Part of my thinking is that you and Mischa are both exceptional at grinding out points. But…honestly, it’s really that Mischa was the best combination of quick on his feet, if something happens, and expendable...if something happens…

 **Mischa:** What!? Hey!

 **Narrator:** With their pairings decided, Diego and the seven-ish giraffes believed they were completely prepared any trials that they might face at the Monte Carlo Masters. No matter what a certain evil prince brother-in-law, could have planned, they were ready. In their minds, the main question was which of them would take which title.


	9. In which the Monte Carlo Masters begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those are some really big fans for such a small bro.

**Chapter 8 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/tiok47ggkwti283/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%208%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [3.61 MB, 00:10:31]

Music/Effects Included –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/8wnoq4w9qd63a10/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%208%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [6.54 MB, 00:14:17]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting:_ [ _Monte Carlo Court Rainier III; The tightly packed buildings of city rise on the hills above the court on one end, while the Mediterranean Sea can be seen passed the other end; red clay from the court swirls in the sea breeze_ ]**

**Narrator:** The curtain rose on the Monte Carlo Masters! Prince Diego strolled fearlessly into his opening singles challenge against (comparative) British giant Kyle Edmund. The giraffes lent all the support they could. While hints of dangers to come peeked through.

[Crowd murmurs]

 **Sascha** [breathing heavily]: Did I miss anything?!

 **Del Po:** No. They haven’t even come out to warm up.

 **Mischa:** Hard match, Sascha?

 **Sascha** [still breathing heavily] **:** No. I won easily. I just sprinted all the way over here from Court 2 so I didn’t miss anything.

 **Mischa** [laughing]: Good job, Sascha.

 **Sascha:** Thanks, Mischa! Where’s everyone else?

 **Mischa:** They’re all either still playing or had to get ready of their matches, except for Marcelo. Who I thought would be with you.

 **Sascha:** Oh. No. Marcelo said he needed to nap before our doubles this afternoon.

 **Mischa:** And you’re not napping with him for once? Since when do you pass up cuddle time?

 **Sascha** [offended] **:** Hey! I’m my own per—

 **Del Po:** They’re coming out. Get the banner!

[swishing sounds]

 **Mischa:** Del Po…Sascha! [jumping/straining noises] I can’t help hold up the banner if you have it way up above your heads!

 **Sascha:** Sorry, Mischa!

 **Del Po:** Yeah, sorry. I forget you are down there sometimes. Here you go.

 **Mischa** [grumbling]: Thanks. Now let’s get ready to cheer, boys!

**_Setting:_ [ _Court level at Rainier III_ ]**

[General crowd noise]

[Distant shouting]

 **Sascha:** Come on Diego!

 **Mischa:** You got this!

 **Del Po:** _Vamos_ Diego!!

[Normal Volume]

 **Kyle:** Quite the cheering section you have yourself there.

 **Diego:** Ugh. Yes.What are they even doing? Is that a banner?

 **Kyle:** Sure looks like a banner. What does that say? _Vamos_ … _Creemos_...Small Prince? Sounds...really encouraging at least

 **Diego:** Yes. But also… very embarrassing.

 **Kyle:** I dunno. I think it’s nice that your mates are so supportive. I didn’t realize that you knew the Zverevs and their odd collection of mates.

 **Diego:** I didn’t really until a couple of weeks ago…

 **Kyle** [chuckling] **:** You made a big impact in a short time then, small prince.

 **Diego:** Leave off, Edmund. Let’s just get warmed up and play.

 **Kyle** [laughing]: Alright, alright. Good luck.

 **Diego:** Thanks, you too.

[Tennis hitting sounds]

 **Chair Umpire 2:** _Premier set. Monsieur Edmund au service._ First set. Mr. Edmund to serve.

 **Diego:** Alright, Diego. _Vamos_. It’s been a weird, yet oddly wonderful two weeks, but now it is time to focus. Show those giraffes that you have what it takes to make the final and get yourself out of your own trouble.

[Loud Tennis Serve Sound]

 **Chair Umpire 2:** _Premier set, Monsieur Edmund, six jeux contre quatre._ First set, Mr. Edmund, six games to four.

 **Diego** : [long breath out] Well. I could have started better.

[shouting from the crowd]

 **Sascha** [distant yelling] **:** Diego! Don’t worry!

 **Mischa** [distant yelling] **:** You got the next two!

 **Del Po** [distant yelling] **:** Keep up your great returns!

 **Mischa** [distant yelling] **:** You’re returning great!

 **Sascha** [distant yelling] **:** You got to stay after those return games!

 **Diego** [to himself]: Thanks, for the reminder that my service games are awful. Maybe Ivo will show _me_ how to serve if I ask him.

 **Chair Umpire 2:** _Deuxième set. Monsieur Edmund au service._ Second set. Mr. Edmund to serve.

[Loud Tennis Serve Sound]

**_Setting:_ [ _The north stand of Court Rainier III_ ]**

**Sascha:** Do you think Diego is going to be okay?

 **Mischa:** He seems to be on the comeback.

[Crowd cheers; shouting]

 **Mischa:** Nice backhand, Diego!

 **Del Po:** Yeah. He's getting to more balls. Kyle is missing more shots too.

[Crowd gasps then cheers]

 **Sascha:** Woooow!

 **Mischa:** How'd he even get to that drop shot?

 **Sascha:** Then he hit a winner too.

 **Del Po:** It was a nice forehand.

 **Sascha/Mischa/Del Po:** Come on! Diego!

[Loud Tennis Serve Sound]

**_Setting:_ [ _Court level of Rainier III_ ]**

**Diego:** Yeah!!! _Vamos_!!

 **Del Po** [distant shout] **:** _Vamos_ Diego!

 **Chair Umpire 2:** _Deuxième set, Monsieur Schwartzman, six jeux contre trois._ Second set, Mr. Schwartzman, six games to three.

 **Diego:** Alright, Diego, you got this. One more set, keep it going. Keep. It. Going.

[Loud Tennis Serve Sound]

**_Setting:_ [ _Just outside Court 2_ ]**

**Stefanos:** Nice serving today, Ivo. I think that was a good first match for us.

 **Ivo:** We weren’t terrible. The other pairing was.

 **Stefanos:** We can certainly improve, but we exceeded my estimates of us, which was nice.

 **Ivo:** Diego plays the winner of this match, right?

 **Stefanos:** The board says this is Court 2 with Kyrgios versus Fritz? So…yes.

 **Ivo:** Why is the evil prince talking to Kyrgios?

 **Stefanos:** Well...they are playing doubles together I heard...but...Evil Prince Fognini does seem rather vexed for just chatting with his doubles partner…

 **Ivo:** Looks like he is about to smash a racket.

 **Stefanos:** Let’s get closer, if we can.

 **Fabio** [distant yelling]: …PAY YOU…JUST WIN…I’M THE CUTEST...BLOW IT

 **Nick** [distant]: Bro…chill…

 **Fabio** [distant yelling]: THIS…CHILL…

 **Stefanos:** That seemed ominous and suspicious. We should hurry and tell the others.

 **Ivo:** This is just going to turn into something bothersome that I have to deal with, isn’t it?

**_Setting:_ [ _The north stand of Court Rainier III_ ]**

**Sascha** [Shouting] **:** Almost there, Diego!

 **Del Po** [Shouting] **:** You got this!

 **Mischa** [Shouting] **:** Let’s go, partner!

 **Sascha:** Hey! Why are you calling him ‘partner’, Mischa? You sound like one of those American western films.

 **Mischa:** He’s my doubles partner for the tournament. So I am calling him ‘partner’.

 **Sascha:** You never call me partner when we play doubles together.

 **Mischa:** Um ...because you’re my little brother, Sascha, not my partner. Then I really would sound like an American movie.

 **Sascha:** I’m just saying, it might be nice.

 **Ivo:** You’re so loud I can hear you all the way outside the stadium. There is a match in progress you know. You should be quieter… if you’ve somehow figured out how. What’s the little landlord mad about now?

 **Sascha:** Listen to this Ivo, Mischa—

 **Ivo** : No. Forget I asked. Stefanos has important news.

 **Stefanos:** I do. We just saw Fabio outside ranting at Kyrgios. He seemed very agitated about the possibility that Nick might lose and not play Diego in the next round.

 **Mischa:** Do you think they have something planned?

 **Stefanos:** It’s certainly plausible. Neither of them is exactly notorious for being respected people.

 **Del Po:** I don’t like this.

 **Sascha:** Yeah we can’t protect Diego when he’s playing singles. Can we?

 **Stefanos:** I think it’s something we need to be prepared for, and it definitely merits further investigation.

[Crowd roars]

 **Chair Umpire 2:** J _eu, set, match, Monsieur Schwartzman. Quatre, six; six, trois; six, un._ Game, set, match, Mister Schwartzman. Four, six; six, three; six, one.

 **Sascha:** He did it!

 **Sascha** [yelling towards Diego on the court]: You did it!

 **Mischa:** 6-1, nice.

 **Del Po:** Good job.

 **Stefanos:** Impressive.

 **Ivo:** I guess that’s fine. He lost the first set though.

 **Sascha/Del Po/Mischa/Stefanos** [Cheering/Shouting]: _VAMOS_ DIEGO!

 **Ivo** [quietly, slightly after the rest]: _Vamos_ Diego.

**_Setting:_ [ _Court Rainier III Court Level_ ]**

**Diego:** Good match, Kyle.

 **Kyle:** Good match, Diego. You sure got your cheer squad fired up.

 **Diego:** I think it must have been all the shots you made me run down. You couldn’t have just tried to hit me off the court? Saved me some energy?

 **Kyle:** Nah, where’s the entertainment in that? Besides that never works against you on clay. You know?

 **Diego** [playfully]: Do I?

 **Kyle** [laughing]: Go take your bow.

 **Diego** [Loudly]: _Gracias_! _Merci_! Thank you!!

[Crowd cheering]

 **Narrator:** Prince Diego enjoyed his hard fought victory, as he soaked in the cheers of the crowd and the support of his giraffes. He felt the weariness in his muscles fade as the wave of positivity washed over him. He waved to each of the four stands of spectators, finishing with the North stand and giving his personal support section a tip of his baseball cap, as he grinned. The giraffes smiled and cheered loudly for their small prince, as worries about next round gnawed away at the backs of their minds.


	10. In which Nicky can’t be bothered to strike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter 9 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/l2gk31nflpg4pff/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%209%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [3.61 MB, 00:08:17]

Music/Effects Included –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/kg86rvtqf3t36sd/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%209%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [4.96 MB, 00:10:51]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting:_ [ _Outside the dressing rooms for Court des Princes_ ]**

**Narrator:** Prince Diego and (nearly) all the singles participating giraffes emerged victorious from their first round matches, and all four doubles pairings easily romped through to the second round. The mood among them was high, with the exception of Mischa Zverev, who found himself once again in existential ponderance about why he kept trying to play singles matches. After a well earned day of rest, the sun dawned on the second round of singles matches, as an argument started to boil over.

 **Diego** [emphatic whispering]; No! I am not going to withdraw from this match!

 **Del Po:** But, Prince—

 **Diego** [emphatic whispering]: No! I might be a prince, but I am also a tennis player. I am not going to let anyone take that from me.

 **Del Po:** We just want you to be—

 **Diego:** Safe? I am safe. I will be safe. Nothing is going to happen in a singles match. I have to stay far enough behind the baseline in order to have a prayer of returning his shots, so I will have plenty of time to avoid anything he might try to do.

 **Del Po:** What about before the match? It might be dangerous in the dressing room.

 **Diego** [frustrated sigh] **:** Ivo and Stef are on the court after me. So, they will probably be in there getting Ivo taped together. That’s good enough? Right?

 **Del Po** [mopey]: OK… just… be careful…

 **Diego:** I am glad that you…Thank you for worrying. If you don’t have to get ready for your match, it would really help me out if you would sit in my player’s box. You can cheer me on and keep an eye on Kyrgios.

 **Del Po** [brightening]: OK. Mischa and I will be there for sure. You can count on me, Sir Juan Martin del Potro of Tandil, dear prince! Did you know my family became landed gentry three generations ago? Hardly royalty, but distinguished.

 **Diego:** I did not. Very impressive.

 **Del Po:** Thank you! Now, come prince, I shall escort you to your match.

**_Setting:_ [ _Court des Princes, Court level_ ]**

**Diego:** So…this is strange…

 **Chair Umpire 2:** Yes. It is a first for me.

[restless crowd noise]

[text message noise]

 **Diego:** My friends say that they can’t find Nick in the dressing room at all. None of them have seen him all day.

[hand-radio noise]

 **Chair Umpire 2:** And I’m hearing that it does not look like he checked in either. Which… is not odd for him. He has been known not to, but…

 **Diego:** So...what do we do? Is there a ruling for this?

 **Chair Umpire 2:** Well, we are now officially 15 minutes past the match start. Which means it is your win by forfeit.

 **Diego:** Oh...that’s… I don’t know what it is? It doesn’t feel great.

 **Chair Umpire 2:** It is strange, but congratulations on your win. I will announce it.

 **Chair Umpire 2:** _Mesdames et Messieurs, gagnant par walk over par Monsieur Schwartzman._ Ladies and gentleman, the winner by walk over, Mr. Schwartzman.

[Scattered applause]

**_Setting:_ [ _Diego’s player box at Court des Princes_ ]**

**Mischa:** What is going on?

 **Del Po:** It’s very strange…

**_Setting_ : [ _Sascha’s living room_ ]**

[Phone ringing and video game sounds]

 **Nick** : Yo hold up, hold up.

[Phone and video game sounds continue]

 **Nick** : I said hold up!

[Video game sounds stop]

 **Nick** : What’s up Fab?

 **Fabio** [angrily yelling]: WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?

 **Nick:** Uhh. The couch.

 **Fabio** [angrily yelling]: What? Why? What couch? Where? Why are you on the couch when you are supposed to be taking down Diego?

 **Nick:** Oh, yeah, I wasn’t feeling it today. So, I just decided to kick it and play a little FIFA with Sasch.

 **Fabio** [still mad, less yelling, but through clenched teeth]: I. am. not. paying. you. To play FIFA. with…whatever a Sasch is!

 **Nick:** Uhh, you’re not paying me at all. You donated to my foundation because you can’t get any actual friends to play doubles with you.

 **Fabio** [confused]: What? No! I mean… yes, but… you are supposed to be playing singles. Against Diego.

 **Nick:** Bro, play that conversation back in your head. When did I say anything about playing singles?

 **Fabio:** But...but that’s not…

 **Nick:** Technically, I just promised to show up for some dubs. The fact that I’ve even sort of tried has been a little extra service because the foundation kids are enjoying the new practice court the first half of your donation bought them.

 **Fabio** [frustrated mad voice]: FINE! But you better not be late for our doubles match tomorrow!

 **Nick:** No, yeah, I’ll show. Just have the rest of your generous donation ready to send over whenever our doubles run ends.

 **Fabio:** I will. _If_ you hold up your end.

 **Nick:** Yeah, yeah. Got it. I’ll be there. Don’t worry about it.

 **Fabio:** You had better be.

[phone hang up noise]

 **Sascha:** Was that Fabio? Why are you even talking to him? He’s trying to hurt Diego for no reason and you’re hanging out and playing doubles with him?

 **Nick:** Oh, I mean, yeah, he’s a dick. But it’s all for the kids, so...

 **Sascha:** You really care about your foundation kids, don’t you? That’s really cool.

 **Nick:** Thanks, bro. More FIFA?

 **Sascha:** More FIFA.

[video game sounds resume]

 **Nick:** I sure am glad I ran into you this morning. This is way better than some bullshit clay court match.

 **Sascha:** I just wanted to help Diego. Everyone thought you were working with Fabio to hurt him.

 **Nick:** Man! Why’s everyone think I’m a bad dude? I’m like… honestly like, I don’t care enough to be a bad dude. Like… I’m pretty sure you have to give a fuck first. I don’t even remember the last fuck I gave about something. Except, maybe the foundation kids.

 **Sascha:** I don’t know. I mean, you were over there talking with known bad dude and evil prince, Fabio, so I guess we assumed. Obviously we were wrong. You’re actually pretty cool. And I love the work you’re doing with your foundation.

 **Nick:** Good. Tell the world. Kygs… not a bad dude. Actually pretty quality.

 **Sascha:** Can do. Hey, bring it in. Selfie—Buds!

[photo click sound followed by smartphone keypad sounds]

 **Sascha** [speaking slowly while typing out his Instagram post]: Best thing about the home tournament? Hanging out at home and playing some FIFA with quality bro… [to Nick] hold on what’s your Insta handle?

 **Nick** : Oh. Yeah. It’s KingKyrgios, but the I’s are 1’s. Yeah… that one.

 **Sascha** [speaking slowly while typing out his Instagram post]: @k1ngkyrg1os. #NiceGuy #NewFriends

 **Nick:** Nice. Hold on I’ll follow you.. Oh, by the way, you should tell Diego and whoever he’s playing with to watch out for Fab. He was yelling something about enchanted balls. I thought it was just one of his weird self love things, but it might be an evil prince thing.

 **Sascha:** Okay! Thanks! I’ll tell, Mischa.

 **Narrator:** Forewarned, Diego and the giraffes prepared for potential wickedness in the upcoming doubles match against Fabio and Nick. Sascha basked in the glow of making a new friend, while Nick saw an uptick in his non-bad dude Instagram followers. All-in-all the day turned into a pleasant one for all non-evil princes involved.


	11. In which the giraffes are fretful and Diego is the bravest, smallest prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My butt is here for you.

**Chapter 10 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/acz8hd1v9q1pzrb/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%2010%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [4.54 MB, 00:13:12]

Music/Effects Included –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/aq4qktgqtggjyl2/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%2010%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [7.28 MB, 00:15:54]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting:_ [ _Court level, in front of Diego and Mischa’s box, Court 2_ ]**

**Narrator:** The giraffes spent a stressful morning as they worried about what schemes might come from the hands of Evil Prince Fabio. They mounted a half-hearted effort to once again convince their prince to withdraw in deference to his safety, but, as they expected, it came to naught. Their final resistance had met its end. All the giraffes could do was fret from Diego’s box and put their trust in their sole giraffe-ish member.

 **Sascha:** Mischa, keep an eye out for suspicious balls, and make sure you do whatever it takes to keep Diego safe!

 **Stefanos:** Yes, according to our information from Nick, the evil prince has devised a scheme that involves bespelling a tennis ball.

 **Del Po:** I thought he said it might just be a joke?

 **John:** You can’t— [sneeze] be t—t—too careful with an evil prince.

 **Mischa:** I agree. Got it. Look for shady balls, be ready to throw myself in front of Diego if needed. [sighs] I wish Diego was taking his own safety as seriously as we are. Why won’t he admit that Fabio is a bit on the uptight and angry side?

 **Ivo:** I wouldn’t call him uptight and angry. Maybe he’s just tired of children yelling all the time.

 **Marcelo** [yawning]: No. He is too uptight. How does he live this way? It seems exhausting.

 **Sascha:** Marcelo, do you need a nap? Come sit by me. We can cuddle up and you can sleep on my shoulder.

 **Marcelo** [yawning]: I need this match to start two hours later so I never had to be awake this early in the first place.

 **Sascha:** We can’t do that. So…

 **Marcelo:** I know. Okay, naptime then, Alex. [yawning]

 **Sascha:** Okay. Mischa, go play well with Diego. I’ll be right here with Marcelo!

 **Stefanos:** Be sure to pay particular attention to their forehands. Both of them have a very strong stroke that allows them to generate an immense amount of pace. In addition, Nick can be unpredictable and although Sascha believes him to be on our side, I don’t think we can guarantee that he won’t harm Diego unexpectedly.

 **Del Po:** Um… try not to leave Diego at the net by himself.

 **John:** Goo— [sneeze] good luck!

 **Ivo:** Don’t suck.

 **Marcelo** [quiet snoring]

 **Sascha:** Oh, Marcelo…Um...Marcelo says...[whisper-shout] Keep your hands up at the net!

 **Diego** [distant shouting]: Mischa, stop worrying and let’s go!

 **Mischa** [shouting back]: Right. [to the giraffes, normal volume] Alright… here we go, I suppose.

**_Setting:_ [ _Court 2, Court Level, Diego’s and Mischa’s side of the net_ ]**

**Diego:** I really appreciate all you giraffes worrying about me, but it will be okay. I’ve been dealing with Fab for the last five years.

 **Mischa:** Yeah, but has he ever really come after you?

 **Diego:** No. But, what is he going to try during the match? At worst he will act like an asshole and keep trying to hit me with shots. Then, what? I have a couple of bruises.

 **Mischa:** I don’t know...what about the things Nick warned us about?

 **Diego:** I mean, that seems like a stretch. I’ve never heard of Fab being able to use magic.

 **Mischa** : Isn’t it still better to be careful?

 **Diego:** All of you are worrying too much. Don’t worry. If something is going to happen, it will be after the match. Now, let’s go and win this thing.

 **Mischa** [sighs]: Okay. [cheering up] _Vamos, compañero_. Did I do it right?

 **Diego** [chuckling] Close enough. You’re good people, Mischa. Let’s go triumph over my jackass brother-in-law.

**_Setting:_ [ _Court 2, Court Level, Fabio and Nick’s side of the net_ ]**

**Fabio** [intensely] **:** Are you ready to do this?

 **Nick:** Yeah, sure, whatever. I said I would. So... let’s have some fun.

 **Fabio:** We’re not here for fun. We’re here to put that little jerk that everyone thinks is soooo cute in his place.

 **Nick:** Yeah. That’s not why I’m here at all. Honestly, I’m really just here so you’ll give me the money to expand the foundation facilities so we can take in another dozen kids.

 **Fabio:** How did you ever get on the list of bad and selfish dudes?

 **Nick:** Fucking media. I don’t know, man. I’ve never been a bad dude. How many times do I have to tell everyone?

 **Fabio:** Fine, whatever. Just do your job and we’ll be fine.

 **Nick:** Uh, I just agreed to show up. So… job done. Nice work Kygs. Good day at the office.

 **Fabio** [growling]: I guess I’ll just have to do everything myself. As usual.

 **Chair Umpire 2:** _Premier set. Messieurs Fognini et Kyrgios au service_ First set. Misters Fognini and Kyrgios to serve.

[Loud Tennis Serve Sound]

 **Mischa:** Diego, cover! Cover!

 **Diego:** Got it!

 **Mischa:** Nice, Diego!

 **Fabio:** NICK!

 **Nick:** Yeah, yeah. Hold up. I bet I can get this tweener.

 **Fabio:** What the…?

 **Diego:** Mine!

 **Mischa:** Awesome poach, Diego.

 **Chair Umpire 2** : _Jeu, Messieurs Schwartzman et Zverev._ Game. Misters Schwartzman and Zverev.

 **Fabio:** Kyrgios! What the hell was that!?

 **Nick:** Yeah, my bad. I was going for a tweener lob, but it kind of turned into a tweener sitter.

 **Fabio:** But why were you doing it in the first place?

 **Nick:** Uh… it seemed fun. But your brother-in-law took a real nice angle on that volley to put that away.

 **Fabio:** Would you stop praising our opponents?

 **Nick:** Nah, I’m pretty much going to keep saying whatever. I mean, that’s sort of how it goes.

 **Fabio:** [angry noise]

 **Nick:** [laughing]

 **Mischa:** Well...that seems to be going well…

 **Diego:** It seems about right, actually.

 **Mischa:** You should just move in with us permanently. I cannot imagine being at home with him.

 **Diego:** It’s not great…but… for now let us just focus on winning, yes?

 **Mischa:** Alright. _Vamos_?

 **Diego:** _Vamos_!

[Loud Tennis Serve Sound]

 **Diego:** Mischa, line!

 **Mischa:** Okay!

 **Fabio:** Min— Nick! What the hell!?

 **Nick:** Um… a perfect no-look drop volley?

 **Diego** : _Vamos_ get there…got it!

 **Nick:** Damn! That was a nice get.

 **Fabio** [to himself]: Foolish little brother. You’ve set me up perfectly.

 **Mischa** : Diego! Move out of the way!

[Tennis smash sound]

 **Mischa:** Ahhh! Fuck! My ass!

 **Fabio:** Awww come _on_!

 **Chair Umpire 2:** _Infraction au code de conduite, Monsieur Zverev._ Code violation warning, Mister Zverev.

 **Nick** [laughing]: Not me for once. How about that?

**_Setting:_ [ _Diego’s and Mischa’s Box_ ]**

**Sascha:** Mischa!!

 **Marcelo** [startled awake noise]: What? Alex sit still.

 **Sascha** : Hold on, Marcelo. I have to check on Mischa. [yelling down to Mischa] Mischa is your butt okay?

 **Del Po:** That was mean! Can he do that?

 **Stefanos:** Hmm… It is technically within the rules, but undeniably out of line.

 **Ivo:** What a jerk.

 **John** : [sneeze] Yeah. And when Ivo calls you a jerk, you know it’s — it’s — [sneeze] — serious.

 **Sascha** [yelling] **:** Mischa! Be careful sitting down! Don’t hurt your butt more! You’re already gonna have a giant butt bruise!

 **Marcelo:** I woke up, right? Alex, am I awake?

 **Sascha:** Yeah. you’re awake. Fabio just hit a smash straight at Diego, but Mischa saved it with his ass. [louder so Mischa can hear him] He’ll be fine though because his ass is enormous.

 **Marcelo:** Fabio should relax. Stay calm. Now if Mischa and Diego are fine… can we sit back down? I was having a good nap.

**_Setting_ [ _Court 2, Court level_ ]**

**Diego:** Are you alright, Mischa?

 **Mischa:** Yeah, I’ll be fine. I mean, I’m super embarrassed by my little brother shouting across an entire stadium about my ass, but I’m fine.

 **Diego:** Are you sure?

 **Mischa:** Pretty sure that was going for your head. So, definitely better this way. [pauses] Ouch. Damn. It does hurt to sit down!

[Loud Tennis Serve Sound]

 **Fabio** : Nick, lob!

 **Nick:** Yeah… nah. That’s far.

 **Fabio** : Get there! Yeah!

 **Diego:** Up! Mischa, that’s yours!

 **Mischa:** Got it! Yes! _Vamos_!

 **Diego:** _Vamos_!

 **Chair Umpire 2:** _Premier set, Messieurs Schwartzman et Zverev, six jeux à deux_. First set, Misters Schwartzman and Zverev, six games to two.

 **Fabio:** That was a terrible set! I can’t believe I let that little _cretino_ beat me.

 **Nick:** Yo, you let who beat who? Remember me? The guy you paid to play doubles with you because you have no friends? I’m right here.

 **Fabio:** It is alright. It was just one set. I can still win.

 **Nick:** Are you even listening to me? Like… why am I here, bro?

 **Fabio:** But remember, winning isn’t the most important part.

 **Nick:** At least you’ve finally started talking some sense. If we’re doing this thing, let’s just go have fun.

 **Fabio:** It’s all about taking down Diego.

 **Nick:** Bro. Has anyone ever told you you have zero chill?

 **Fabio:** It’s time to get rid of that meddlesome little brother who steals ALL OF MY WELL—DESERVED ATTENTION! You may be laughing now, Diego, basking in the attention of your new, adoring friends, but we shall see who’s laughing after this game! It’s enchantment time! [villain laugh]

 **Nick:** What are you even laughing at?

 **Chair Umpire 2:** _Deuxième set. Messieurs Fognini et Kyrgios au service._ Second set. Misters Fognini and Kyrgios to serve.

 **Nick** [whispering]: Hey. Misch. Pretty sure Fab is about to try something shady.

 **Mischa** [speaking quietly] **:** Diego. Nick just said that Fabio is up to something.

 **Diego:** I can’t believe he could do anything that bad during the match, but I guess we have to be careful.

 **Mischa:** It’s fine, my butt’s here for you. Apparently.

 **Diego** [laughing]: Thanks, partner.

 **Narrator:** Prince Diego and Mischa were halfway to victory, but Evil Prince Fabio was ready to strike. Will having been warned be enough to ensure the good prince’s safety? Or, was the sun fated to set on Diego’s reign before it could even begin?


	12. In which Diego falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why does everyone always bring up the beard?

**Chapter 11 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/rku9c8w43vp6lu1/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%2011%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [2.16 MB, 00:06:17]

Music/Effects Included –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/4ea1pzykue0rpu5/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%2011%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [4.15 MB, 00:09:03]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting_ : [ _Diego’s and Mischa’s box at Court 2_ ]**

**Narrator:** The time of reckoning had arrived. The Evil Prince, Fabio, frustrated by his first set loss was finally ready to unleash his nefarious plan and strike at the Good Prince, Diego. Would all the giraffes’ preparation and practice save the day? Or, would the fate that Fabio had planned for Diego come to pass?

 **Del Po:** I have a bad feeling…

 **Stefanos:** Something certainly seems to have shifted in the evil prince’s demeanor.

 **Sascha:** I think Nicky told Mischa something on the changeover.

 **Marcelo:** Someone yell for them to be careful.

 **Sascha** [yelling]: Diego! Mischa! Be careful!

 **Marcelo:** I would have preferred you not yelling it in my ear, Alex.

 **Ivo:** I don’t know what you expected would happen.

 **Del Po:** I still have a bad feeling…

 **John** : [sneeze] ...is it time to leave Europe yet…? [sneeze]

**_Setting:_ [ _Court 2; Court Level, Diego and Mischa’s side of the net_ ]**

**Mischa:** Alright, let’s just try to keep things low, and don’t get sucked into a one up one back situation, right?

 **Diego:** Yeah, Okay. I still have the Deuce court returns. Get it back, keep it low.

 **Mischa:** If he does try something it will probably be when I’m returning, hoping I pop up a return.

 **Diego:** You won’t, though. You’ve been ripping it today. You got this. No worries.

 **Mischa:** Yeah. Sure. No worries.

[Serve noise, then return noise]

 **Diego:** Mischa, rush!

 **Nick:** Nice try. Got it, annnnd up!

 **Mischa:** Did he hit a volley lob?

 **Diego:** Baaack!

[running sounds]

 **Chair Umpire 2:** Fifteen, love.

 **Mischa:** Ahhh! Good hustle, Diego.

 **Diego:** So close. OK.

**_Setting:_ [ _Court 2, Court Level, Fabio and Nick’s side of the net_ ]**

**Nick:** Woooo! How’d you like that touch?

 **Fabio:** It was good. Thank you, for finally being useful. You could stand to be a little more direct when finishing off points?

 **Nick** : That was way cooler though. What’s the point in winning, if you’re not having fun?

 **Fabio:** Whatever. If you want to have fun _and_ be useful, try and hit a drop volley after I lob them.

 **Nick:** That is a very specific plan. But whatever. I’ll see how it goes..

 **Fabio** : Alright. Here we go. [quietly chanting] _Piani nascosti in questa palla; Attiva così cadrà._

[Quiet hum of a spell charging and being activated]

 **Fabio:** Here we go serve, get in there!

 **Diego:** Mischa! Kicker!

 **Mischa** : [tennis grunt] Come on, chip and charge. Rush, Diego.

 **Diego:** On it!

 **Fabio:** Here we go. Up!

 **Diego:** Up! Mischa! Got it!

 **Mischa:** Switch!

 **Diego:** Come on. Get over!

 **Nick:** Got it.

 **Mischa:** Drop!

 **Diego:** I can get it!

 **Mischa:** Diego, no! Don’t get pulled forward!

 **Diego:** Slide, and up! Got it!

 **Fabio:** Got you!

[Loud tennis sound]

 **Diego:** [Brief pained shout]

 **Mischa:** Diego!

 **Nick:** Bro, what was the light show there?

[Distant shouting]

 **Sascha:** Nnnnnnnnnooooooooo! DIEGO!

 **Del Po:** I said I had a bad feeling!

 **Mischa** [shouting to box]: He’s not moving! [to the chair umpire] We need a medical timeout!

 **Chair Umpire 2:** _Arrêt médical. Cinq minutes._ Medical timeout. Five minutes.

 **Del Po:** We need to get down there and help our prince!

 **John:** I—i—is that allowed?

 **Sascha:** We are pretty famous around here. Plus, Stef is like our doctor.

 **Stefanos:** I have devoted adequate study to the field of kinesiology to make a competent physiotherapist of myself.

 **Marcelo:** Lucky the boxes on this court are basically at court level for us.

 **Ivo:** [humphs]

 **Sascha** [Shouts]: Trainer coming, Mx. Chair Umpire!

 **Chair Umpire 2:** I’ll allow it. You have 4 minutes remaining.

[shuffling noises]

 **Stefanos:** Is the trauma localized to a specific anatomical region?

 **Mischa:** Come again.

 **Stefanos:** Where did he get hit?

 **Mischa:** On his bicep, I think.

 **Stefanos:** Ok, let’s just cut off this sleeve…[scissors cutting fabric] Oh…that is not a typical bruise…

 **Sascha:** Why is it glowing?

 **Fabio** [laughing]: Because it’s magic! Your medical science won’t help you giraffes save the little prince.

 **Nick:** Bro that is not cool.

 **Fabio:** Who cares if it’s cool?! Finally, Diego will sleep forever and I will be the cutest tennis player in the land!

 **Nick/Sascha/Stefanos/Del Po/Ivo/John/Marcelo/Mischa:** Not with that beard, you won’t.

 **Fabio:** Why does everyone always bring up my beard!?

 **Sascha:** Because it makes you look evil.

 **Del Po:** Like a real bad dude.

 **Marcelo:** At best you look like a pirate.

 **Ivo:** You’ll certainly never be cute.

 **Mischa:** Can we focus on Diego!

 **Stefanos:** Right. So, what is the extent of our combined knowledge regarding magic curses?

 **Narrator:** As the small prince slept peacefully on the red clay of Monte Carlo’s tennis courts, his giraffes frantically searched for a means to awaken him. Was there yet a dawn for Prince Diego, or was he doomed to slumber in eternal twilight for the rest of his days?


	13. In which there is finally a kiss, or two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck your fucking fucktangle.

**Chapter 12 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/f5ltddy0ipa8djo/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%2012%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [4.46 MB, 00:13:00]

Music/Effects Included –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/7pm3871zy14hn0l/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%2012%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [7.60 MB, 00:16:36]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting: [Court 2, Court Level]_ _  
_ **

**Narrator:** A prince had fallen. A villain stood on the precipice of success. Seven-ish giraffes racked their brains for a way to help. And Nicky silently thought about how he definitely did not sign up for this shit.

 **Mischa:** So, magic curses, what breaks magic curses?

 **Sascha:** Oh! I know! What always works in all the fairy stories? True love’s kiss! [kissing noise]

 **Marcelo:** Alex! What the hell!? Don’t kiss Diego. Don’t kiss anyone else.

 **Ivo:** Didn’t help.

 **Sascha:** I guess I just love Marcelo too much.

 **Marcelo** : You should try to remember that more often...

 **Sascha:** Sorry Marcelo. Is this better? [kissing sound]

 **Marcelo** [flustered]: Um. Right. Just...don’t kiss Diego again.

 **Sascha** : I won’t. I promise. I only want to kiss you from now on.

 **Mischa:** Can the two of you do this later? We need to focus on Diego.

 **Stefanos:** Do any of us fairy tale love Diego? I postulate that your heart needs to be in a fairy tale love state for this to work. I think I would fall into the like categorization.

 **Mischa:** Diego’s awesome, but I only friend love him.

 **Del Po:** I have much respect and admiration for Prince Diego, but nothing deeper than that.

 **John:** [sneeze] Can—can’t even [sneeze] think about love…

 **Ivo:** Hah.

 **Mischa:** And I think we can still see where Sascha and Marcelo stand on this issue. [shouting] I said give it a rest you two! Cuddle when we aren’t in a crisis! [normal volume] Okay, so, next idea?

 **Del Po:** Do any of us know a wake up spell? That should work, right?

 **Mischa** : I don’t think any of us know magic at all.

 **Stefanos:** Yes, this has been my observation.

 **Sascha:** I’ll try! I can probably do it. [yelling] Diiiiiieeeeeegoooooooo! Waaaaaaaaake Up!

 **Mischa:** Um. Yeah. Next idea.

 **Nick:** Can you find a prince or a knight or something. That happens in kids’ stories a lot, right?

 **Fabio:** What are you doing?! Why are you trying to help them!?

 **Nick:** I did not sign up for this. This is just fucktangular. I do not want to be in a fucktangle.

 **Stefanos:** Hm. A prince or knight? It could work. Although, as far as I am aware, the only two any of us are acquainted with are Diego and Fabio. Does anyone have knowledge about where we might locate another prince or knight?

 **Sascha:** Maybe one of us is a prince?

 **Marcelo:** Alex, no. We’re not. I think we’d know.

 **Sascha** [downcast]: Oh...yeah... that makes sense.

 **Del Po** [sheepish]: Um...I am technically Sir Juan Martin del Potro of Tandil, but I just...can’t...the prince is just too special for someone like me to…

 **Mischa:** Now is not the time to get shy big guy.

 **Del Po** : Maybe...maybe we could ask the crowd, first?

 **Stefanos:** That might be our best course of action given the circumstances and resources at hand. I would gird your resolves in the very likely case that you are, in fact, our sole option with regards to this present situation, Sir Juan.

 **Mischa:** Alright, here goes. Mx. Chair Umpire, can we borrow the PA?

 **Chair Umpire 2:** This is highly irregular.

 **Stefanos:** I would hazard to assert that this entire situation is rather irregular and is worthy of some degree of leeway.

 **Chair Umpire 2:** This is true...alright...yes, you may borrow the PA.

[sound of a PA turning on and feedback]

 **Mischa:** Hi, everyone. So, it seems that Prince Diego has been stricken with a sleeping spell.

[crowd gasps]

 **Mischa** : placed on him by one of Evil Prince Fabio’s enchantments.

[scandalized gasp]

 **Mischa** : We’re wondering if there are any princes or knights in the crowd who’d be willing to attempt to break the spell?

[crowd murmuring]

 **Mischa** : Please? Anyone?

[crowd murmuring]

 **Mischa** : Anyone?

 **Dominic** [shouting from the crowd] **:** I will try!

[crowd gasps]

 **Del Po:** Oh! It’s Prince Dominic Thiem of Wiener Neustadt!

 **Ivo:** Why do you know that?

 **Del Po:** I’m a fan of royals...and a member of the royal of the month photo club…

 **Ivo:** That’s… a very sad hobby.

 **Del Po:** He was not entered in this tournament, I checked. I wonder why he’s here.

 **Mischa:** Alright! Can we clear a path for Prince Dominic everyone? Thank you. Thank you.

[to Dominic] Thank you so much. Uh…Your Highness?

 **Dominic:** Please, call me Dominic. The whole “Your Highness” thing is super weird. It’s really no problem. I’m more than happy to help a friend. What do you need me to do?

 **Stefanos:** Prince Diego has been placed under an enchantment. Based on past anecdotal evidence, we postulate that the only methods for bringing him back to wakefulness are true love’s kiss or a kiss from a prince or similarly noble person. It is probable that the spell can, in fact, only be broken with a combination of both factors—a prince delivering true love’s kiss—but we are willing to explore all potential options. Historically, spell breaking kisses are most effective when delivered to the lips. So, if you would,Your Highness.

 **Dominic:** Oh. Well… I… I think I have you covered here. For all of th—nevermind. Let’s do this.. [kissing noise]

[Magical whoosh and tinkling]

 **Diego:** Huh? What happened? Where am I? Oh… Domi? But… it’s not Tuesday…?

 **Dominic** [warmly] **:** Good morning, Prince Diego.

 **Mischa:** Wait. They are somehow already best friends or something?

 **Ivo:** Looks like it.

 **Sascha:** Who cares?! Diego’s awake! Marcelo! Diego’s awake!

 **Marcelo:** That’s great Alex.

 **Del Po:** Prince Diego, you have a relationship with Prince Dominic? What is it? How close are you two really?

 **Diego** [embarrassed]: Um...yes… We’ve been having weekly video chat dinners for... over a year now.

 **Dominic:** For fifteen months and three days.

 **Diego:** What are you doing here, Domi? You’re not playing. I checked the draw.

 **Dominic:** I just wanted to have a little incognito spectating time. You do look lovely when you’re playing.

 **Diego:** Shut up...you’ll always be the dashing one…

 **Dominic:** That warms my heart to hear, but you’ll always be the one my eyes are drawn to.

 **Del Po:** This amazing! More than I could have dreamed! Wait… Does this mean there will be a royal wedding?

 **Dominic:** I… don’t know. It’s not something we had discussed, but...What do you think, Diego? I mean… I _was_ able to break your enchantment after all, so… I suppose that tells us both how I feel about you. Should we take all of this as a sign?

 **Diego:** Well, it is nice to see you person for once…

 **Del Po:** It’s happening!

 **Dominic:** It really has been too long…which is why I couldn’t help but come here in secret. I felt like I had to see you, even from afar...

 **Mischa:** What is happening? How is it happening?

 **Sascha:** It’s love, Mischa! Can’t you see? They are in love! It’s beautiful!

 **Mischa:** No, I can see that just...this is escalating quickly.

 **Nick:** Um...before you all get married, someone might want to grab Fab before he sneaks off.

 **Fabio:** Nick! Stop helping them! You are supposed to be on my side!

 **Nick:** Why? Sasch is cool. Misch is cool. The rest seem alright. You’re just a dick.

 **Fabio** [angry struggling noises]: Let me go! Put me down! This is too high! I’m afraid of heights!

 **Ivo:** No.

 **John:** Y—y—you need to answer for your cri—cri—crimes. Hey, I held it— [sneeze, sighs] nope, didn’t.

 **Fabio:** Don’t sneeze on me! Don’t drop me, you giraffes!

 **John:** Sorry, it [sneeze] just kind of happens.

 **Ivo:** Let’s go.

 **Fabio** [growing distant] **:** It’s not fair!

 **Dominic:** Well then, now that that has been taken care of, there is only one more thing we must do. [clears throat] Prince Diego of Cordoba, would you do me the honor of joining your hand and mine in marriage and uniting our kingdoms as one?

 **Del Po:** [quiet excited noises]

 **Diego:** Prince Dominic of Wiener Neustadt, I would be honored to marry you and unite the Kingdom of Cordoba with the esteemed Kingdom of Wiener Neustadt. So… yes!. Let’s do it!

 **Del Po:** [louder excited noises]

 **Mischa:** Can someone help Del Po?

 **Stefanos:** This level of excitement is still safe, he should be fine. I will continue to monitor the situation.

 **Marcelo:** Having that many feelings looks exhausting.

 **Sascha:** [squeal] Marcelo! It’s a wedding! I love weddings…

 **Diego:** Um...so… thank you… all of you. For sacrificing yourselves to save my life and for bringing Prince Domi and I together, but...what about the match?

 **Mischa:** I think we can wrap that up. If you don’t mind, Nicky?

 **Nick:** Um...yeah. This kind of stopped being fun. I'm not really feeling it anymore. Plus I don’t have a partner anyway, so...

 **Nick** [to the chair umpire] **:** Hey. I withdraw. These two win.

 **Dominic:** Thank you, Nick. Mx. Chair Umpire, can we declare this match at an end?

 **Chair Umpire 2:** Gladly.

[PA announcement sound]

 **Chair Umpire 2:** _J_ _eu, set,_ _mariage, Messieurs Schwartzman et Thiem_. Game, set, wedding, Misters Schwartzman and Thiem.

[Crowd Cheers]

 **Narrator:** The happy princes proceeded from the court, with their honor guard of giraffes. The Evil Prince Fabio, would find himself in the Bad and Selfish Dudes Dungeon where he would have time to reflect upon his misdeeds and learn to love himself for who he was. Sascha insisted that the wedding take place on his mansion’s grounds, and made sure to invite his new friend Nick, who really was a solid dude, as well.


	14. In which there is a wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have their whole lives for romance.

**Chapter 13 Podfic** :  
No Music/Effects –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/f11gjzkxlgpvdk2/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%2013%20-%20NoEffects.mp3?dl=0) [895 KB, 00:03:03]

Music/Effects Included –  
[MP3 and streaming](https://www.dropbox.com/s/i922vpblwwo3273/TennisRPF_Diego%20and%20the%20Seven-ish%20Giraffes%20-%20Chapter%2013%20-%20Effects.mp3?dl=0) [895 KB, 00:03:03]

No Music/Effects:  


Music/Effects Included:  


**_Setting:_ [ _The gardens at Sascha’s Tennis Paradise_ ]**

**Narrator** : The sun set over the lush, flowered gardens of Sascha’s Tennis Paradise. Ivo, who to everyone’s surprise was a licensed officiant, conducted the ceremony with the level of grace that was expected of him. The two Princes exchanged their vows, and headed towards their future…

 **Dominic:** Diego, it is a pleasure and an honor to join my life and my kingdom with yours. Today, I am truly blessed.

 **Diego:** Domi, knowing that we will spend our days together, and not separated by circumstances and phone screens, makes me even happier than tennis. Thank you, for being my prince charming.

 **Del Po** [sobbing]: It’s so beautiful!!!

 **Ivo:** Good job. You’re married now. Here’s your certificate.

 **Mischa:** That’s it, Ivo?

 **Sascha:** Yeah, where’s the romance in that!?

 **Ivo:** My job was just to run the ceremony. They have their whole lives for romance.

 **Sascha:** Not if you kill it now!

 **Marcelo:** Alex, I don’t think romance has ever lived for Ivo, it’s fine. We’re all different giraffes. This works just as well.

 **Stefanos:** It’s true that everyone approaches their relationships and intimacy from a variety of points of view across a broad spectrum of human experience, all of which are equally valid.

 **John:** Plu—plus this way [sneeze]

 **Nick:** We get to the party quicker.

[celebratory cheers and dance music]

 **Mischa:** Time to get our two princes on their way to royal bliss.

 **Sascha:** Your carriage awaits!

 **Nick** [chuckling] **:** Why is it a golf cart you wrote “Just Married” on?

 **Sascha:** It’s what I had!

 **Diego:** I love it, Sascha.

 **Dominic:** Yes. It’s very appropriate for a couple of tennis playing princes.

 **Ivo** : Just get on so we can go.

 **Marcelo:** Why are we letting Ivo drive them?

 **Sascha** [whispering]: Because he is the only one who doesn’t want to stay longer for the party.

 **Del Po:** Everything’s just so perfect…

 **John:** Bye!

 **Sascha:** Be happy together!

 **Stefanos:** Many happy returns to you both.

 **Mischa:** Make sure you come back and visit!

 **Nick:** Enjoy your happily just getting started!

 **Diego:** I love that!

 **Dominic:** Me too. Here’s to our happy beginning and all the happiness to come!

 **Diego & Dominic: **Bye everyone! Thank you for everything!

The End


	15. Podfic Outtakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look, the podfic life isn't nearly as glamorous as we make it look, okay.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Delpo Letter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22093792) by [eafay70](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eafay70/pseuds/eafay70)




End file.
